Feeld users complain about too many “normal” men on the kink dating app

Playing with the “feel” loses its appeal.

Feeld, “the dating app for open-minded people,” is praised by its users as a safe place for sexual openness, honesty, and communication.

“Feeld showed me that there are men out there whose lives are based on equality and respect,” Emily, 28, who wants to be addressed by her first name for privacy reasons, told Mashable.

But now some people with kinky tendencies are complaining that the app has become too mainstream, infiltrated by heterosexual “vanilla” men looking for casual, easy sex – putting more women at risk.

The app, which allows users to choose between 20 sexualities and 19 genders, was originally launched in the UK in 2014 by Dimo ​​​​Trifonov and his partner Ana Kirova under the name 3nder and was intended to give people the opportunity to express themselves sexually – from BDSM to group sex.

Since then, its popularity has slowly increased over the past decade, with a sharp increase in downloads occurring in recent years.

Over the past three years, Feeld's monthly active user count has increased by 190% and its paid memberships have increased by 550%, Fast Company reported.

While some users appreciate the wider selection, many diehard kinksters have complained that the influx of new users has diluted the dating pool.

Sabrina, 27, who wished to use a pseudonym, told Dazed Digital she was concerned about the trend.

“It's not about controlling people or shaming them for not behaving sexually,” she said. “It can be a safety issue if people don't understand the importance of safewords and aftercare. Most of the time, it's because men don't respect women and equate fetishism with casual sex or engage in risky acts like choking and impact play without knowing how to do it safely.”

Sabrina signed up to the app a few years ago to find a romantic partner for unusual preferences. But she believes that it has become “more difficult to find singles with preferences who are open to a long-term relationship.”

“Someone on Feeld recently asked me to send a list of my fetishes. When I did, they pretty much freaked out and said I was obviously way kinkier than them – and honestly I didn't send anything extreme, it was all pretty normal stuff in my opinion,” she said.

Ellie, 26, whose name has also been changed, also expressed her dismay at the lack of sexually adventurous and fetish-educated men on the app.

“For some reason, casual sex is now considered perverse [by some men on Feeld] because they find it through this app, but that's really not the case,” she told Dazed.

Ellie believes that many heterosexual men use terms like “naturally dominant” and “ethically non-monogamous” (ENM) to get away with abuse and infidelity.

“I feel like the language of sex positivity has just been co-opted by men who have not changed their sexual behavior but now feel good about themselves by calling themselves 'sex positive,'” she lamented.

Generation Z is credited with leading the sex positivity movement and promoting more dating apps, but newbies should proceed with caution and do their research before venturing onto the field.

Emilie Lavinia, a long-time user of the app, told Cosmopolitan UK that it's difficult to find people who are serious about kink these days. Too many matches “don't really know anything about the nuances of kink, how to be ethically non-monogamous, or how to deal with consent. And that's a problem.”

More and more women are reporting that they have been treated disrespectfully and harassed while using the app.

For Mashable, author Sarah Freedman recalled an experience when a man on Feeld “harassed [her] with Questions About Non-Monogamy” called her boyfriend a “cuckold” and eventually dismissed her as an “arrogant asshole” for not getting involved with him.

Unfortunately, online harassment is not only on the rise on Feeld and dating apps. Surveys have shown that the problem is getting worse – especially for women and girls.

While competing dating apps largely ignore the wide range of non-normal dating and sex preferences among singles, Feeld remains an important resource for kinksters.

Emily only signed up for the app last year and told Mashable she found it “so refreshing, [talk] with people in a way that was sexual but not business-like… it was based on understanding, respect and communication.”

Feeld CEO Kirova, who succeeded former partner Trifonov in 2021, told Cosmopolitan UK: “There is so much potential for Feeld in terms of scale, but we need to make sure people are in it for the right reasons and behave in a certain way.”

“We are not trying to grow at any cost.”