Florida learns about suicide prevention from parents who have experienced loss themselves

If you or someone you know is considering suicide or is in crisis, call or write 988 to contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or to consult a mental health professional.

Chris and Martha Thomas have a lot to do in September. It's National Suicide Prevention Month. Their daughter Ella committed suicide 6.5 years ago. Now they're teaching others to recognize the signs so they can prevent other families from suffering an unimaginable loss.

Anyone who sees a picture of the Thomas family before Ella's death believes they were a happy family. Ella's smile was radiant. Her parents say she idolized her younger brother Solomon, who now plays football for the New York Jets in the NFL.

“Well, as Chris says, suicide is indiscriminate,” Martha said. “But Ella was sexually abused at the University of Arkansas and didn't talk to us about it for a long time; she was so ashamed. But then everything started to fall apart for her.”

After Ella's death at the age of 24, Martha felt like she was in another world.

“When our daughter died, people didn't want to talk to us about it. People were obviously uncomfortable when we mentioned her name,” Martha said. “And we didn't want to stop.”

The Thomases began working with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. Through Solomon's involvement in the NFL, other partnerships developed. They founded a nonprofit organization, The Defensive Line, to teach others to recognize the signs of suicide, part of an effort to prevent other families from experiencing unimaginable loss.

The parents recently gave a presentation at the Florida Behavioral Health Association conference, but Chris says he and Martha initially struggled to embrace the idea that suicide could be prevented.

“…Because we thought, 'Why didn't we prevent Ella's death?' But the reality is that with the right treatment, education and resources, people CAN survive,” he said. “If you understand why people die – because they're in pain, they're lonely, they're isolated – then we can start to address that and save lives. So our mission is to change the way people communicate and share about mental health.”

Communication can be an important part of helping people who are considering suicide. Jonathan Gomez is the 988 program coordinator at 211 Big Bend. It's a suicide hotline that anyone can call or text to be connected to someone who can help. It's confidential and free. Gomez says his job is to listen to people who need someone to listen to them.

“So many people have discussed these things with their family, friends and coworkers – and they've been told, 'Oh, get over it. It's not that bad,' or 'It's nothing, you should see what happened to me,'” Gomez said. “So at least people know that if they reach out to us, they'll find someone who respects their experience, and we recognize that a crisis is something you define yourself.”

Gomez says it's rare for someone to reach out to someone with suicidal thoughts without an underlying reason.

“…a mental illness, a traumatic experience, if they've recently lost someone, if they've recently been sexually abused, if it's a domestic violence situation… there are a lot of things that go hand in hand. Like substance use – that can sometimes – it's not an indicator of suicidal thoughts, but sometimes they go hand in hand.”

Chris and Martha are still wrestling with this question. But they are trying to turn their loss into a gain for someone else.

“I saw this quote from Maya Angelou this morning: 'Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know until you learned it,'” Martha said. “We try to do that most days, but it's also what motivates us to help other people learn so they know what to do better than we do.”

A study by the Pew Research Center shows an increase in the suicide rate among young black people like Ella this year. The overall suicide rate among 10- to 19-year-olds is declining.

Suicide warning signs for adults

• The risk is greater when a behavior is new or has increased and when it seems to be related to a painful event, loss, or change. Talking about or making plans for suicide.
• Anxious or agitated behavior; reckless behavior.
• Speaking of being a burden to others.
• They talk about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
• Increasing consumption of alcohol or drugs.
• Speaking of hopelessness or having no reason to live.
• Too little or too much sleep.
• Feeling withdrawn or isolated.
• Show anger or talk about a desire for revenge.
• Exhibits extreme mood swings.
  Source: 211 Big Bend

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