“My boys stole from stores to provide for our family. I feel like a failure.”

Families living in poverty because they have to make impossible choices due to the cost of living crisis have revealed the cruel reality of the devastating impact on their children.

The mother of a 14-year-old and a 12-year-old son described her shame and horror at seeing her sons steal from shops to provide for the family. “My boys have taken it upon themselves to steal from shops to help support our family. It makes me feel like a failure,” she said.

One mother described how she “starves” so her children can eat and eats only the leftovers, while another parent told how his daughter heartbreakingly tried to give them her birthday money so they could pay the bills.

The grim reality of the rising cost of living on children's lives has been revealed in new research from Buttle UK, a charity dedicated to helping children and young people in the UK who have experienced crisis.

The charity spoke to 1,567 people living in poverty to explore the experiences of extreme financial hardship among children, young people and families in 2024.

Sleeping on the floor, skipping school, and going to bed cold and hungry are some of the outcomes that demonstrate the worsening reality for children growing up in poverty.

Half of the families surveyed said they were sleeping on the floor because they could not afford a bed, while 43 percent said they could not afford their rent or mortgage and were forced to make difficult and dangerous decisions to keep a roof over their heads.

An incredible 81 percent of people said they cannot afford enough gas or electricity for their home, and parents of three or more children said they were experiencing significant difficulty due to the two-child cap on Universal Credit support.

Many parents described having to make great sacrifices and self-denial to feed their children.

“I basically starve so my children can eat and only eat the leftovers,” one mother described.

One parent said, “I struggle to dress and feed my son. I am diabetic and often eat no more than one bowl of cereal a day just to make sure my son has the food he needs.”

Another person heartbreakingly described the effects of hunger on her children. “Sometimes they cry from hunger and I know I'm stuffing them full of empty calories just to keep them afloat.”

Another parent said of his children: “They don't understand why they can only eat dinner, without dessert, why they only get a slice of toast or a small bowl of cereal, or no extra snacks like other children. It makes them sad.”

One mother said, “My eldest tries to starve so that the younger siblings have more to eat,” and another said, “I make sure all my money goes to my son. He eats and gets the things he needs first. I would rather go without food than him. But I am so hungry.”

Many parents explained that the already unfortunate situation was made worse by having to resort to bland, monotonous or unloved foods.

One mother described how she had replaced meals with sodas because they were high in calories and cheap.

Several families spoke of the deep shame and pain it caused them when their children asked for more bread or milk while their refrigerators and kitchen cupboards were literally empty and they had to go to bed starving.

One family said they recently spent all their money charging their electricity meter instead of buying groceries, and the power still went out, leaving the family in the dark – and hungry – all evening.

Many families cannot even afford a bed to sleep in because their money has to be spent primarily on food and bills.

“My children sleep on the floor,” said one parent. “I have two teenagers, one of them is recovering from leukemia and he is still not well. My other boy has bad feet and back pain, so he has trouble walking.”

Another parent said: “My son, who is almost 15 and 6'1″, has been sleeping in a single bed. I sleep in a bed that is about to collapse because so many of the slats are broken.”

One parent described the endless juggling. “Every month I have to choose between not being able to pay one bill or another. And I don't dare ask for help because that only increases my shame and guilt for not being able to provide even the basic necessities for the children I wanted to have.”

Feelings of shame and guilt are common among parents. “I feel useless and incapable,” said one parent. “Not being able to meet my children's basic needs is the worst feeling a parent can experience.”

Another parent said, “It's really hard and I feel worthless. I try my best to provide my children with the basics and unfortunately I have to go without. I wish I could do more for them.”

One parent said: “We sit with blankets on at night and wear dressing gowns during the day. It has a negative impact on mental health. It makes you feel like a bad parent.”

“We feel impoverished and degraded trying to meet our family's basic needs,” admitted one parent. “We get by without luxuries, but now we consider food a luxury! It's so disheartening and makes us unhappy.”

Some parents described the lengths their children will go to get food or help the family. “My daughter tries to give me her birthday money so I can pay my bills,” one parent described. “A 10-year-old should not be aware of how needy she is and that I should be able to provide for her.”

“When my children go out, they try to commit silly crimes like stealing candy or chocolate,” said one parent. “I try my best to stop them, but it keeps happening because I can't afford to buy them anything they need.”

Joseph Howes, CEO of Buttle UK, said: “The findings of this report make tough reading, but they show us that the cost of living crisis is far from over – and we urgently need government intervention to prevent things getting worse.”

“Many families are trapped in the vicious circle of poverty and cannot escape it despite many hours of work and sacrifices they make for themselves and their children.

“Every week more and more families are falling into poverty – and many will never get out without help.

“We need to increase the support these families have access to to help them emerge from the crisis.

“And we need to better support the mental and physical health of children who suffer these consequences through no fault of their own.”

“Sometimes I feel like a failure because I am not able to care for my children”

Agnes, 40, whose name we have changed to protect her identity, lives in Northern Ireland and is a single mother of three children aged 14, 11 and 6.

She fell into poverty after being a victim of domestic violence. One of her children has learning difficulties and another suffers from ADHD.
She told me that the hardest thing for her was paying all the bills and that she would have to go without WiFi for a few months as other bills like groceries and heating were more pressing.

Before her life changed dramatically, she worked as a director of an art gallery and full-time. She says she sometimes feels like a failure because she can't give her children everything they need and has to rely on food banks.

“It really affects your mental health because you're constantly thinking about money and your financial problems and then you also have to be a single parent to your children,” she said.

“I got into this situation through no fault of my own and am struggling to provide for my children and juggle everything.

“Sometimes you feel like you’re letting your children down because you want to offer them only the best.

“I feel like a failure because I can't give my children the things that everyone else around them has.”

Agnes was put in touch with Buttle UK by her social worker to receive funds for play therapy for her youngest child. The charity was able to provide lots of other support including educational toys and equipment, family days out and school bags and stationery.