The Boys to Men program aims to redefine masculinity in young athletes

SEATTLE – In a society that often celebrates aggression in sports, a new program is challenging young male athletes to rethink what it means to “be a man.”

The Coaching Boys into Men initiative at Lumem Field aims to promote healthy relationships and emotional competence among players to counteract the alarming statistics on sexual assault and violence.

The program brings together men from across the state, many of them former athletes who are now coaches. Paul Aur, director of the PAC Northwest Soccer Club, shared his perspective on moving away from traditional masculinity.

“If you ask my dad, that's what he told me, like, 'Don't cry, be a man, toughen up.' That's definitely changed. Now we talk about how to deal with emotions and actually feel them,” Aur said.

According to the National Coalition Against Violent Athletes Prevention Programs, athletes are involved in one in three sexual assaults on college campuses. This is Aur's second time attending the training. He says it's important to raise good people first and to teach lessons about respectful relationships in addition to the usual sports training.

“We can influence our players, that’s something positive we can do,” he added.

Ward Urion, co-founder of Team Up Washington and senior prevention strategist for the Washington State Coalition Against Domestic Violence, emphasized the urgent need for such initiatives.

“When I left college, it was abundantly clear that it was not a safe place for women,” Uryan said.

According to the FBI, between 1991 and 1993, male athletes, who made up only 3.3 percent of the male college population, were involved in 19 percent of reported sexual assaults on campus.

The problem still exists today. Statistics from Futures Without Violence show that one in three young women experience some form of abuse or violence in their relationship. Urion has seen positive changes since co-founding the Boys to Men program a decade ago.

“Especially about how men and masculinity are portrayed in this culture and what it means to be a man and what that means,” he said.

The program covers a wide range of topics over a 12-week period, including sexual assault prevention, consent and gender-based violence. More than 73 schools in Washington have participated in this important training.

Patrick Lavin, deputy chief of the domestic violence and sexual assault unit at the King County District Attorney's Office, emphasized men's responsibility in this context. “Men are responsible for their actions,” he reiterated.

Lavin also pointed out the long-term effects of domestic violence on children. “Children who are exposed to domestic violence are more likely to become victims of domestic violence themselves in adulthood or to become perpetrators themselves,” he explained.

Data from King County shows disturbing trends: More than a third of defendants charged with gun offenses between 2015 and 2023 had already been convicted of domestic violence. “It's a problem that affects everyone's lives, whether they know it or not,” Lavin noted.

High school athlete Maceo Rivers plays both football and basketball and has seen firsthand the consequences of poor coaching.

“If their coach gives them the wrong messages and instructions, they'll get off track just because they don't know it themselves,” Rivers said.

He credits his success in life and relationships to his mother, who is receiving an education through the program. “I understand myself so I can help others understand them better,” he added.

The Boys to Men initiative represents a step towards redefining masculinity in sport and promotes not only athletic ability but also the importance of emotional intelligence and respect for others.

For anyone interested in supporting the cause, Team Up Washington offers both in-person and virtual training opportunities. Visit the Team Up Washington website for more information.

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