Sands Taupō/Rotorua support group helps grieving parents who have lost their baby

“I was with him until the end of the pregnancy and went to the hospital not knowing anything was wrong. He was born and died an hour later,” Weston said.

She said it was hard.

“As soon as you get a positive pregnancy test, you start planning your life with the baby and imagining what your life will be like.

“If you lose the baby, you lose the whole life you imagined,” Weston said.

“We had everything… the bedroom prepared for him, the crib next to our bed and his hospital bag packed… and he just didn't come home.”

After Connor's death, she contacted Sands and attended their first meeting within a month.

“It really helped me just knowing that I'm not alone… the constant thought you have when you lose your baby is, 'Why me, why was I chosen for this grief?'” she said.

Weston said her family and friends supported her, but no one understood what she was going through.

“When you sit in a group like Sands with people who understand your journey, they understand your 'why me' questions because they are thinking the same thing.

“You are in a group that understands your grief and the thoughts and feelings that are going through your mind.”

Weston said she struggled with hard thoughts and didn't want to be around babies because she felt guilty.

“I want people to know that these thoughts are validated at Sands. You're allowed to feel what you feel,” she said.

Weston said the coordinator who led the group when she joined made her feel supported.

“She wanted to see pictures of Connor and people don't usually like to see pictures of dead babies, but she really wanted to see these pictures of him and as a mother, she made me feel like he was important to me,” she said.

“He was important to me and my family, but she made me feel like I was still a mother even with empty arms.”

Weston said she attended memory-building workshops through Sands that helped her with her grieving and healing process.

“I have a cuddly heart that matches the weight of my baby. It's made from a sling that Connor was carried in,” she said.

“He is in every one of our family photos, he is our missing link and will always be the seventh member of our family.”

After Connor's death, Weston “thankfully got her happy ending” and is now the mother of five children, including Connor, her husband's two children, and her two rainbow babies after Connor.

Weston said Sands helped her a lot and it “breaks her heart” to know there are people who have to endure the loss alone.

“There is someone in the group who can empathise with you, understand you and sympathise with you because they have had similar experiences.

“You are not alone and there is a safe place to get support. You don't have to go through this alone if you don't want to.”

In honor of Baby Loss Awareness Week, October 9-15, Sands is participating in the Wave of Light, a global initiative to light a candle in memory of babies who have died during pregnancy, childbirth or infancy.

For more information on how to get support from the group, visit the Sands Taupō/Rotorua Facebook page.

Malisha Kumar is a multimedia journalist from Hamilton. She joined the Waikato Herald in 2023 after working for Radio 1XX in Whakatāne.