When is the right time to let children travel alone?

When Michael Njoro's son and daughter asked to go on their first outing without him and Susan (their mother), the 48-year-old doctor and his 45-year-old wife, a teacher became concerned. It was only a day trip to a skate park in a neighboring county.

Long trips with friends far away from home were out of the question for them.

However, the ban did not last long, because one day Joel (17) and Adams (14) received a letter from their school asking them to allow and finance their trip to Barcelona.

He says he has memories of his trip to Spain when he was 16, but it feels like it was a long time ago and the world has changed more aggressively.

Ultimately, however, the couple relented after consulting with family and friends – including some who had registered their children for the trip.

The planning team also convinced the parents that everything would be fine with their children. The trip, they all agreed, was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for their teenage children.

The debate about when exactly the right or appropriate time is to send children on their first parent-free holiday on a long-distance trip at home or abroad is a sensitive issue for parents.

“Many parents find it difficult to allow their children to travel alone,” explains Stephanie Muraguri, sales manager at an international travel company.

The mother of three children, one pre-teen and two teenage children, says some parents – herself included – believe such trips can shape a teenager's personality, but for others they are a nightmarish scenario.

“In fact, many pre-university educational institutions plan field trips for children as young as six (preschoolers) and for teenagers of high school age. Yet many parents, including social workers, question the decision of parents who allow their young children to travel long distances and spend several days alone,” says Stephanie.

She adds that the parents had not broken any law or been negligent in their decision to let their children travel alone.

She says the concerns are mainly about the safety of children, especially when they travel alone with friends and group leaders. Travel experts say they have planned such trips for children unaccompanied by their parents and guardians and that they have proven successful.

“Through the travels, the children have learned what happens outside their closed spaces. This has given them more insight, made new friends and recognized the benefits of traveling at a young age,” says the expert.

When is the right age for teenagers to travel alone?

According to the Muraguris, 17 would be ideal if the children want to travel without adults, and 18 would be even better. “There are strict rules for the teenager, such as having to text back every day, because that's something we do within minutes even on short solo trips,” says the mother of two.

The doctor says that although he himself travelled to Spain and later to South Africa at the age of 16 and 17 respectively, he believes that situations and circumstances have changed, particularly due to advanced technology, which raises even greater concerns about allowing children under 17 to travel alone.

Stephanie, whose company organizes trips for children traveling alone, says the right age depends on the person and their level of maturity, as well as how far the children are traveling.

“Although I had confirmed many bookings for children ages five and up traveling alone through my work for an international travel farm, I was nervous when my 13-year-old son took his first trip with a group from my church,” says Stephanie.

However, she says, many factors come into play when it comes to whether children should travel alone. For example, road-savvy and confident teenagers aged 13 and over can travel alone without any problems.

She says technology and apps like Snapchat and Life360 have made it much easier to stay in touch with her kids.

Dan and Leah Mwandime have no qualms about letting their 13-year-old daughter and 16-year-old son travel domestically and internationally because they were fortunate that their parents allowed them to travel whenever they had the opportunity.

Mwandime says the trips were fun, educational and insightful, and he would not deprive his children of such experiences.

“Our daughter has already been to Kigali and Zanzibar and we are preparing to send our son and his friends on an organized trip to China in early December,” says Leah.

The couple say they would give their son the same advice they gave him and his sister before – to keep his phone on, call them if he has any problems, and never let anyone buy him drinks. He should stay with his group and always follow the group leader's instructions.

“The best thing is that we always remind them how important it is for them to have fun and enjoy themselves. It's good to give the children confidence and let them know that you trust them,” says Leah.

Expert tips

Wanjiro Lisa, a psychologist specializing in child rearing, says that all parents want to establish a certain age at which it is ideal to let their children travel alone, but ultimately it depends on the individual child and parents and the relationship between them.

She says that you should consider the child's circle of friends, their future plans and their personality. What are their life experiences? How mature is your child and how confident is he or she on his or her own or in a group of friends and other people?

Lisa stresses the importance of parents keeping an eye on their anxiety levels and managing their fears so that their children are not prevented from having great travel opportunities because of their anxiety and fear.

“It's important that you don't let your complexes stop your child from enjoying the freedom he or she may be coping well with,” she says.

She adds that the decision must be made by consensus to avoid setbacks.

“Find out about the travel arrangements – who is planning the trip, how well is it planned, do you and the travel planners know the destination? What risks are likely? What has been done to counteract them?” advises Mwadime.

However, Lisa says, parents sometimes turn down requests for solo travel for good reasons.

In this case, she advises parents to be prepared for a bitter disappointment: “Regardless of the reason why they can't come, they will probably be angry and upset. But remember that it's OK to maintain these boundaries for your child.”

She advises parents to make it clear to their child that saying no to their request does not mean forever and that they are saying “not yet, not at this time”.