Many children suffer from “Hurried Child Syndrome” – how parents should deal with it

Children who suffer from “Hurried Child Syndrome” experience a childhood in fast forward. In other words, they grow up faster than is good for them. These children are exposed to pressure and high expectations that go beyond their natural developmental stages. There are three triggers for this:

• The parental home that can overwhelm children with too much encouragement,
• the school system which is fundamentally aimed at competition and performance and pushes for haste through overloaded curricula, and
• digital media which create unrealistic expectations and overload children with information and emotions.

The various factors cause the children affected to behave less like children and more like little adults. Lots of encouragement, lots of extracurricular activities and early exposure to adult topics are increasingly replacing quiet free afternoons when children can just play and be children.

“Children are being pressured to grow up too soon and take on the worries, responsibilities and stresses of adult life,” warns New York neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez. It is now an epidemic.

Pressure on children and parents

The syndrome is not new. The term “Hurried Child Syndrome” was coined in the 1980s by the American child psychologist David Elkind, who suspected that it had existed long before then. There have certainly always been times throughout history when children were forced to take on adult tasks at an early age, for example in war. But the modern form of “Hurried Child Syndrome” has significant differences:

“The modern version of the syndrome exists because of competitive education systems and the demands of social success,” says psychologist Hafeez. “Some parents enroll their young children in multiple courses – from language classes to sports – believing that this head start will do their children good.”

Also due to the final pressure from parents. On the one hand due to the ever-increasing competition in education, on the other hand due to today's greater awareness of what children of the same age do or can do thanks to social media. This could give parents the impression that they are not doing enough to support their child.

Hardly any free time to play

“Cultural norms that emphasize achievement and success can lead parents to believe that a lack of early success will hinder their children’s chances for future success and opportunities,” says Hafeez.

But there are other factors that can play a role. Some parents also use extracurricular activities for economic reasons. Some also use additional childcare options. This is another reason why children in the United States often have little free time to play. Parents are often not sufficiently aware of the emotional burden this places on their children.

After all, parents do not want to harm their children. On the contrary, they want to give their children the best possible opportunities. In doing so, they pass on the social pressure that weighs on them to their children, even with the best of intentions.

Symptoms of Hurried Child Syndrome

The constant focus on performance and competition leaves children little room for rest, free play and natural growth. And this is not without consequences. Studies have shown that children who are rushed in this way suffer more frequently from anxiety and depression. Low self-esteem is a common result when children experience that they do not live up to the expectations of adults. Rushed children also have difficulty dealing well with their emotions and forming successful relationships and friendships.

Further indications of the “Hurried Child Syndrome” are

• Poor sleep
• Poor eating habits
• Too little exercise
• Worries and fears
• perfectionism
• Separation anxiety
• Stutter
• Short attention span
• Hyperactivity
• Physical symptoms such as headaches and stomach aches

Reason enough, then, to take a closer look and consider how we as parents can keep pressure away from our children instead of increasing it, and how we can give our children the space they need so that they have enough time to grow up in a healthy way.

Parents have the opportunity to lay a strong foundation for their children by…

1. Make the game a priority

Many doctors, psychologists, educators and other experts agree that plenty of time for play, especially free, unstructured play, is essential for the healthy development of children. Play significantly supports cognitive, social, emotional and psychomotor development. In free play, children can, among other things,

• Dealing with stress
• live out and reflect their emotions
• train cognitive skills such as problem solving, creativity, decision making and abstract thinking
• experiment and develop curiosity
• Learning teamwork and communication

Although adults may see this as “doing nothing,” this free play time provides the child with a safe environment in which to absorb and process new information. Ideally, this takes place outside as often as possible. This is support without being overwhelming and is extremely easy to implement.

2. Declutter your busy schedule

Of course, it is impossible to provide enough time for free play when the schedule is full. It can be very useful for parents to reflect together with the child on which afternoon activities are really important because they are fun for the child – and which ones could perhaps be dispensed with. Ultimately, it is crucial that children do not suffer from the stress of a full weekly schedule and perhaps even develop psychological or physical symptoms. It can be helpful to plan more time in the schedule for activities that have been proven to counteract stress, such as

• enough time for conscious breaks and sufficient sleep, and
• Family time for eating together, playing, going out or cuddling

3. Lower expectations

Especially with regard to academic performance, it is understandably a great challenge for many parents not to pass on the pressure that they themselves are burdened with from school and society to their children. But it is worth it because it protects the mental and physical health of the children. Instead of building up expectations that are too high, parents should

• Formulate achievable goals. Instead of striving for perfection, you should recognize and appreciate your child's commitment and quality.
• Don't just praise the achievement of a goal, but also the small successes along the way. This way, children don't shy away from challenges, but develop the courage and perseverance to face them.
• Always remind yourself that you are not lovable because of his achievements. Unconditional love, regardless of external circumstances, is the most precious gift.

4. Lead by example

As we all know, children learn best through role models. As parents, we can use this to help not only our children but also ourselves to reduce stress. Something that compensates parents

• demonstrate how to find a healthy balance between work and leisure by confidently taking breaks.
• Reflect on what makes you feel stressed and in which moments you may have unconsciously passed the stress on to your children.
• Make it visible that mistakes are part of life, that they happen, big and small, and that they ultimately help us to become better.
• Consciously build in time buffers in those areas that have always led to hectic everyday life.