Hôtel Métropole Genève: The drama begins upon arrival

The “Hôtel Métropole Genève” looks back on a mythical history, according to the website of the hotel, which opened in 1854 and is located directly on the lake. And the facade is reminiscent of photos of times that once deserved the term “glamorous”. However, only one description fits the interior: the paint has long since worn off. Unfortunately.

The drama begins as soon as I arrive. When the satnav announces “You have reached your destination,” I think it's an oversight. There is no wall projection or Parisian balcony to be seen from the picture-book facade, but instead a scaffold covered in tarpaulins that would surely have delighted the legendary artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude. There is not a soul in front of the presumed main entrance. It takes three calls before an employee turns up to help me park and take my luggage.

As I enter the lobby, the concierge comes out from behind his desk and apologizes for the construction site. My eyes fall on the tea and coffee cups behind his desk and those of his colleagues, as well as dozens of notes flying around on them. In a really good hotel, this would be unthinkable.

Check-in is just as bumpy as the arrival. I'm constantly being told something: when breakfast starts and ends, and the opening times of the other restaurants. They also spell out the password for the WiFi for me. I mean it several times. I'm sure it's all well-intentioned, but I'm a fan of efficiency and limiting myself to the bare essentials. In addition, the torrent of talk from the “Métropole” staff is hard to stop and instead of a warm welcome, I experience a classroom lecture like in school. This could be fun, I think, and I'm right.

When arrival becomes an odyssey

When I was finally escorted to my room, the obviously anxious employee led me to the wrong floor. In the elevator, I wondered out loud why we were heading for the third floor for room 433. “That's right,” I was assured. To make small talk, I asked if we belonged to the hotel. Unfortunately, I didn't understand the name my companion gave me.

I ask if the owner has other hotels in his portfolio. “They're all strange hotels, they won't mean anything to you.” Hm. At least the four-star “L'Hôtel-Restaurant du Parc des Eaux-Vives”, five minutes from Geneva city center, is, according to the website, a sister hotel to the Métropole. Oh well.

Once I've reached the correct floor, I, who has never been here before and will not be returning, have to lead the employee to my room and briefly explain the logic of the numbers. You're welcome.

Only the prices are “superior” here

My room is unusually small. It actually only consists of a bed. There is hardly any light coming through the small window and the view is of the back of another construction site. No, as flattering as the “superior” category may sound, it is inappropriate and misleading here. I could pass for the bathroom if I didn't have to bend down when showering because there is no shelf for soap and shampoo. As a result, everything is at my feet. On the tiles.

At least there is a coffee machine and a minibar, which is “generously” stocked with two bottles of water and a bottle of Coke. Oh yes: my bed is on wheels, which irritated me a bit. Even after hundreds of nights in hotels all over the world, there are still firsts.

The other rooms, which I can see here and there through an open door, don't impress me either. They may be a little bigger, but they are decorated in a terrible grey. The only accent is the garish red of the sofa cushions.

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Chaotic start to the day

To put it bluntly: The breakfast buffet at the Métropole is one of the worst I have ever seen. In order to even get to the food, I constantly have to ask guests to move their chairs forward or backward in the narrow table layout. The coffee machine is so small and impractical that a long line forms in front of it. When I ask the waitress if she can bring me a cappuccino, she responds with an apologetic shrug.

The most important meal of the day seems to be a thing of the past here, even though the hotel is the official players' hotel for the Geneva Open, Switzerland's most important tennis tournament. Hopefully the sports professionals will be able to enjoy a better selection of food for their matches. Perhaps without the coffee hassle at all.

In fairness, I would like to mention one of the few bright spots in this hotel, its rooftop terrace. It offers a beautiful view of Lake Geneva and the rest of the city. The food – especially the “mini burger” – is also delicious and the waiters are all attentive and friendly.

Great on top, terrible on the inside

But a terrace on the roof is simply not enough to compensate for the hotel's many shortcomings and weaknesses. Especially not when you consider the price of a “superior” room: a whopping 612 euros per night. Fortunately, there are numerous first-class alternatives on site.

The elegant “Beau-Rivage”, for example, whose neoclassical style is impressive even from the outside. The hotel has been hosting illustrious guests from all over the world since 1865, and instead of beds on wheels, the rooms feature gold-plated taps and sparkling chandeliers.

I can also recommend the “Les Armures”. It is located in the heart of the old town, in a building from the 17th century. The rooms combine modern elements with historical tradition. Other alternatives are my two favorite hotels – the “Mandarin Oriental” and the “La Réserve Genève”. All of them are a million times better than the “Hôtel Métropole”.