My family does not accept my transgender child

DEAR ABBY: My young adult child came out to us as transgender a few months ago. My husband and I, as well as her siblings, support her and love her unconditionally.

Recently, she decided to share the news with her grandparents. She sent a heartfelt email along with some resources specifically for grandparents. One grandparent was fully supportive, immediately started using the correct name and pronouns, began researching, and continues to treat her like the amazing young adult she is.

The other grandparent sent a text message that essentially said, “We love you because you're family, but we don't really support you.” They have had no contact since. My child is extremely disappointed and it breaks my heart. She (and we) know she could lose friends and family because of this, but I guess we always hoped that the grandparents' love was unconditional. What advice do you have for her and for us so that we can continue to support her? — UNCONDITIONALLY IN OREGON

DEAR UNCONDITIONAL: Your daughter is fortunate to have loving, supportive parents, siblings and one Grandparents who are willing (and able) to accept her for who she really is. She needs to be prepared that not everyone will do that.

These other grandparents seem less willing to learn and less flexible in what they can accept. Your daughter should continue on her own path and not allow her judgments to define her. If she can do that, she will be happier.

DEAR ABBY: Last year my husband and I moved to my hometown, which I left 40 years ago. We are happy with our decision to return there. Our problem is my friend “Shirley,” who I have known since elementary school. Shirley has always been very successful, but lately she has been taking credit for our positive life choices.

At the dinner party we threw to thank neighbors and childhood friends for their support in the move, Shirley dominated the conversation about her role. When I reunite with former classmates and she's around, she chimes in and turns the conversation around her or blasts me with passive-aggressive comments.

Shirley has had a rough life, so I put it down to her needing a win. But now she's doing this to my husband, and it's going too far. She didn't do this when we lived out of state. What can I do to put our friendship back on a more equal footing? — THE LIMIT HAS BEEN REACHED IN OHIO

DEAR REACHING: Please read your letter again. The person you described is not a “friend” – she is an insecure, jealous person who you happen to have known for a long time. She needs to be the center of attention, no matter how that makes you seem. Do NOT fool yourself into thinking you can make someone like her a friend. The less you see of Shirley, the better off you and your husband will be.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.