“I still remember crying on the way to school”: Fear as a child | Fear

A According to a Guardian investigation, 204,526 children in England are referred to NHS mental health services each year for anxiety. Here, two young people who suffered from anxiety as children describe their experiences.

Paddy

I remember first suffering from anxiety when I was 13, but there were signs of it at a younger age.

I remember in elementary school I would always cry when I went to school. A lot of my anxiety revolved around getting in trouble and feeling like I had done something wrong. This made me nervous in school.

I was also very afraid for my health and that of my family and friends. Growing up and even today, I am afraid when the phone rings because I am afraid it will be the doctors saying: [someone in my] my family is dying.

I remember being afraid that my mother might fall asleep on the way home from work where she had worked long hours.

I knew I needed help when I was 13. My fear of doing the right thing developed into a fear of harming others.

I was afraid of spreading germs and dirt. I had a panic attack when I dropped some food on the floor because I was afraid someone might have an allergic reaction. It kept me awake for days.

My mother was very worried about me and knew a private counselor. I was very lucky that I was able to see a counselor so quickly when I reached crisis point. It is no exaggeration to say that I am not sure I would be here if it had not been for my counselor.

Getting help was incredibly daunting. I was nervous and remember dreading my first session. As a 13-year-old boy, I found it hard to admit to myself that I needed help and I felt different and strange.

I used to play a lot of rugby, but in a lot of environments where mental health or anxiety wasn't really discussed, so I didn't have any role models who spoke openly about mental health.

In the long run, getting psychological help was the best decision of my life. The session helped me process what had happened and taught me strategies for dealing with anxiety-provoking events.

Covid was incredibly hard and I felt incredibly low at times. However, my counsellor helped me to work my way out of that hole. I also recently took the step of taking medication.

Like the first time I sought help, it was disheartening as I felt like I was failing at counselling and letting people down. However, I am so glad I took this step.

If you are struggling, please reach out to someone. There are people out there who genuinely care about you. If you are not struggling, reach out to your friends and family because you never know what someone is going through.

We have a huge problem with young people's mental health in our society and it is so important that the government recognises this and does something about it.

Chloe

I was about nine years old when I began to show signs of generalized anxiety and panic disorder.

I used to suffer from panic attacks in situations that were daunting for me. However, as there was little knowledge of young people's mental health, it was thought to be a physical health problem, so I underwent various tests.

My anxiety disorder was not officially diagnosed until I went to the GP for another problem and my brother brought up my self-harm. I was then referred to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (Camhs), which was supplemented by counselling from my school and medication.

Because I was always labelled as someone who was constantly worrying, I was never aware that my symptoms were due to a mental illness. The panic attacks in particular were mistakenly thought by me and the medical staff to be a physical health problem.

If my self-harm hadn't been noticed, I think it would have taken a lot longer for my mental health issues to be recognised. Even I didn't know I was struggling with them.

During my childhood, it was always considered a natural part of my personality, as no one believed that someone at my young age could suffer so much.

Getting support from a young age was vital to my ability to cope with mainstream school, but I believe my symptoms could have been more effectively alleviated in the long term if the condition had been identified earlier.

Paddy and Chloe now work as volunteers for the charity YoungMinds. They hope that sharing their stories with the Guardian will encourage other young people to find the courage to talk about their own mental health.