Ina Garten “couldn’t understand why people had children” after she herself had a “terrible childhood” (exclusive)

“It wasn’t something I really wanted to do,” Ina tells PEOPLE in this week’s cover story

Ina Garten did not want to experience a similar upbringing in her own family.

In her new memoirs Be ready when happiness comesThe Barefoot Contessa The star reveals that her “horrific childhood” in Stamford, Connecticut, was marked by emotional and physical abuse at the hands of her late parents, Charles and Florence Rosenberg. By the time she finally settled into her marriage to husband Jeffrey Garten, she had long since decided she would never have children.

“I grew up in a family that wasn't happy, so I couldn't understand why people had kids,” Ina tells PEOPLE for this week's cover story. “Nobody in my family had fun. I understand that now, but back when I was 25 and 30, I just didn't have fun. It wasn't something I really wanted to do.”

Related topics: Ina Garten describes the separation from husband Jeffrey in her new memoirs: “The hardest thing I’ve ever done” (exclusive)

In her memoirs (published exclusively in PEOPLE), Ina writes about her difficult childhood.

“My parents took a 'do or die' approach to raising children, and any attempt to break that was met with considerable anger. Asking questions about what I should wear or when I should do my homework was completely unacceptable,” she writes.

“I was only three when I begged our babysitter not to tell my father that I had done something he would disapprove of because I was afraid of the consequences. When he got angry, which was often, anything could happen. He would hit me or pull my hair. I was trapped in a cycle of neglect and abuse. My parents didn't believe in me or my potential, but they still set impossibly high (and arbitrary) standards for me.”

For more information about Ina Garten, including the full excerpt from her memoirs, Be ready when happiness comespick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.

She quotes a saying that explains her situation: “What goes in early goes in deep.”

“After that experience, I was closed to the possibility of having a child of my own. Jeffrey and I were happy with our choices and our lives,” she adds.

Today, Ina has no regrets. “Dolly Parton once told Oprah Winfrey why she doesn't have children. She said, 'If I hadn't had the freedom to work, I wouldn't have done all the things I've done.' I feel the same way,” writes Ina.

“Because we didn’t have children, we were freer to pursue other things in our lives.”

Ina Garden

She's written 13 cookbooks, won six Daytime Emmy Awards for her Food Network shows, and built a loyal fan base that adores her for her accessible style and simple, foolproof recipes. She ends her memoir with a poignant, full-circle moment.

“When I walk down the street and someone smiles, leans over and whispers, 'Ina, I love you!', I always remember my father telling me, 'Nobody will ever love you.' It's like a private cosmic joke to me. Did my life turn out this way because I wanted to overcome my parents' harsh criticism? Or despite it? I'll never know, but one thing I know for sure: everything changed when I met Jeffrey. That's how my life began. We all just need one person to believe in us, and for me that person is Jeffrey. With his love and support, I learned to believe in myself and found happiness and peace.”

Be ready when happiness comes will be published on October 1st by Crown Publishing Group and can be pre-ordered now wherever the book is sold.

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