Asking Eric: Messie's child must now be responsible for family holidays and meals

Dear Matriarch: That's a big burden, and it's not fair that you have to carry it. However, much of your resentment stems from your ideas of how life should be, rather than how it is. Accepting that your parents won't change – and that means they'll disappoint you – will help you as much as it will frustrate you.

Figure out what you really want from your vacation. Put aside the things that feel like obligations. Do you really want to host your family, or is that what you expect? If the latter, you can and should tell them, “We'd love to see you, but we can't host you right now. If you'd like, I can recommend some cheap hotels.” You may face resistance, but it's not your job to meet everyone's expectations.

The same goes for meals. A restaurant can actually be a better solution because the cost is shared and people can order what they want. Plus, you don't have to clean up.

I understand that you feel like you have no control in any way. This started as a child in your parents' household where people hoarded. If you are not in therapy, you may want to talk to someone about your feelings. This will help to clarify things.

Setting boundaries and communicating your needs doesn't create more chaos. In fact, it's healthier if you do it.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rricthomas.com.