Dear Abby, My older brother abused me for years. Should I tell his fiancée?

DEAR ABBY: I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by my oldest brother, who was six years older than me. As soon as I could put into words what was happening, I went to my parents and told them. They believed me, but swept it under the rug and didn't offer any therapy or treatment to either of us.

I had a nervous breakdown when I was 15. Afterward, I said, “I'll never forget what he did to me.” My mom finally decided to get me a therapist. Through years of therapy (I'm 25 now), I have experienced healing, grace, and forgiveness, but I think that's something I need to know for myself and nobody else's business.

Even though my parents know exactly what my brother did, they continue to try to mend our relationship, even though I have expressed that I never want to be in a relationship with him again.

My brother is now engaged to a woman he has been with for four years. She has met everyone in my family except me. She has never contacted me, which I find odd. I know my brother hasn't told her the whole truth about what he did to me as a child because he still tries to downplay it.

If I were married to someone and knew all the family members except the only sister, I would be suspicious and would want to know why. Should I send his fiancée an anonymous letter telling her all the details? – VICTIM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR VICTIMS: If you send an anonymous letter to your brother's fiancée, she might perceive it as “someone,” possibly an old friend, trying to break them up. Between you and me, I think someone should warn her about her fiancé's past. If you're willing to risk that, your family will certainly be very upset. However, if you're determined to send that letter, you should have the courage to sign your name.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.