Ninia LaGrande about her encounter with the comedian

I'm standing in a large TV studio. We've been filming short clips all day. To top it all off, I get to do a number about my visit to a gynecologist. The presenter is professional and stressed. That's just how it is when everything has to happen quickly and everyone is depending on your performance. He explains how he's going to introduce me and says that this one joke about my height is definitely OK. I'm short. I'm used to it. I do these jokes myself. I also act in the role. Because I'm here after all and I don't want to be the stressful co-star.

The presenter is called Luke Mockridge. Many years later, in a podcast about athletes at the Paralympics, he will say, among other things, that you could throw them all into the water and the last one to drown would have won gold. He and the two podcast hosts then roar with laughter – and that is just one example of the anti-disabled, i.e. ableist, “humor” that the three of them use in the episode.

“I imagine Mockridge throwing me into the water…”

In a failed attempt at an apology, he will explain that when working with disabled people he has always experienced sharp humor, which he has celebrated. Celebrated, yes, but obviously not learned from. I watch the entire clip twice. Anyone who says something like that and then decides it's a good idea to put it online can only have done it deliberately and in the hope of generating outrage in return for clicks.

I read comments that think the supposed political incorrectness is wonderful. And I imagine Mockridge throwing me into the water and hundreds of spectators waiting at the sidelines to see whether I make it or not. There are actually still people who see disabled life as worthless. For whom we are just good enough to make fun of at our expense. Mockridge thought of a statement of his own that pity is often the worst form of exclusion and he wanted to draw attention to this. It may surprise him, but between pity and a more than just failed joke there is a range of other possibilities – all of which have what Mockridge lacks: respect. And that has definitely been lost.

There is a broad consensus across society: this is going too far. But where are the limits of good taste? The golden rule is: humor doesn't kick people down. Anyone who feels the need to denigrate and discriminate against others for their own benefit is simply not funny. Contrary to popular opinion, today – thanks to our jubilant constitution – anything can be said. But if you say something, you have to expect responses. And if these reactions are such that a TV show and performance opportunities are canceled, you might want to rethink your career choice. This has nothing to do with cancel culture, but with the last shred of humanity and decency.

“Those who do not meet expectations should explain themselves”

There are many good jokes about disabled people. I know this because I have written and tested them myself. Because I have seen successful comedians with disabilities on stage. Because that is exactly the crux of the matter. It always makes a difference who is making the joke about a community. When I started performing my own texts at poetry slams many years ago, I was the only woman with a visible disability for miles around. At every performance, I sense expectations from the audience. Anyone who does not meet expectations should explain themselves. Preferably in a digestible and funny way. So that the audience clarifies that someone is fat, disabled or black. At the beginning of a set, I have started to turn down the microphone – which is always set too high – and comment that I first have to adjust everything to be accessible for disabled people. Then everyone laughs sheepishly because they have noticed that I have also noticed that I am smaller than others.

This excerpt of humor, which shows me how many battles we as people with disabilities still have to fight, makes me tired. Because in every respect we have to do more than people without disabilities – to defend our existence and prove ourselves. What gives me courage is the widespread social outrage. I hope that this will spark a new awareness. That we become more attentive and listen when disabled people criticize content. And that we give them the spotlight ourselves. Sat1, how about filling the time slot with entertainment that is biting but not discriminatory – and comes from the community? Maybe Mockridge can tune in then, he'll have more time in the future – and then he can not only celebrate, but actually listen too.