How to cope with loss through suicide: 10 helpful tips for grieving

Losing a loved one to suicide is not only tragic but also a very painful experience. It may make you sad, but this may also be accompanied by various emotions such as guilt, shame and anger because you were unable to help someone before they decided to give up on life. These can be emotionally devastating feelings and can send you into a spiral of thoughts about whether you could have done something to prevent your loved one's suicide. Seeking help from people you trust is one of the healthy ways to start healing from grief. On World Suicide Prevention Day, observed on September 10, learn how to cope with the loss of someone to suicide.

What is suicide?

Suicide is the deliberate bringing about of one's own death and is considered a global public health problem that profoundly affects families and communities. According to the World Health Organization, over 720,000 people die by suicide each year. “People who die by suicide often experience extreme emotional pain, hopelessness and feel that life has become unbearable,” says psychiatrist Dr. Rahul Rai Kakkar. It is not just a reaction to a single thing or event, but often the culmination of long-term emotional, psychological or social struggles.

Why do relatives feel guilty when someone is lost to suicide?

According to the American Psychological Association, guilt is one of the most common emotions experienced by people who have lost a loved one to suicide. “Suicide survivors often experience guilt and wonder if there was something they could have done to prevent the tragedy,” says Dr. Kakkar. These feelings of guilt are usually fueled by thoughts like, “I should have recognized the signs,” “I should have been there more,” or “I didn't do enough to help.”

Relatives may feel responsible for not noticing warning signs or not reacting appropriately. The sudden, often unexpected nature of a suicide can lead family and friends to believe that they could have intervened somehow. “Unfortunately, while there may be warning signs, it is often an internal struggle that even those closest to the person do not fully understand or are unable to prevent the suicide,” says the expert.

How do you deal with loss through suicide?

People who lose someone to suicide are at a higher risk of developing depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and suicidal behavior, according to a 2012 study published in the journal Dialogues In Clinical Neuroscience. Therefore, it is important to choose healthy coping strategies after a suicide. Here are some tips to start healing after a suicide loss:

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1. Allow yourself to grieve

“Grief over the loss of a loved one to suicide is different from other forms of grief because of the guilt that can accompany it, which can be accompanied by shame and anger,” says Dr. Kakkar. Give yourself permission and time to feel a wide range of emotions. It's important to understand that your grief is valid, no matter how overwhelming it may seem.

2. Rely on your support system

Grief in isolation can make coping difficult, so friends and family are especially essential at this time. Whether you need someone to listen to you or offer practical help, let them know what you need from them.

3. Seek professional help

For people coping with a loss through suicide, it may be helpful to see a mental health professional and seek out therapy that they recommend. A psychologist can help you deal with the complicated emotions, trauma, and unresolved issues that often arise after a suicide.

4. Connect with others

You don't have to be alone in your grief. Joining a support group for those bereaved by suicide can help you connect with others who have had similar experiences. Sharing stories and emotions with others who understand your pain can provide comfort and a sense of belonging.

5. Recognize the complexity of suicide

It's important to recognize that suicide is a complex phenomenon and there may be no clear answer or cause. “Understanding that can help alleviate some of the guilt and anger you may be feeling,” the expert says.

6. Remember the person, not the suicide

Although suicide is tragic, it does not dictate your loved one's entire life. Focus on remembering the positive moments with them and the person they were, rather than allowing their death to overshadow the memory.

7. Practice self-compassion

Be kind to yourself during this difficult time. It's normal to experience a range of emotions from anger to sadness to guilt after a suicide. Practice self-compassion and avoid self-blame, as you are not responsible for your loved one's decision to take their own life.

8. Create a memorial or tribute

Honoring your loved one through a memorial or day of remembrance can provide a sense of closure and a way to celebrate their life. This can be something as simple as planting a tree, creating a photo album or organizing an event in their memory.

9. Accept that healing takes time

“Healing from a suicide loss is a long process,” says the expert. It's important to be patient with yourself and not expect to “move on” quickly. As you heal, you will feel less pain, but that doesn't mean you will forget your loved one.

10. Participate in activities that promote healing

Get enough sleep and eat healthy meals regularly. According to the American Psychological Association, taking care of yourself can improve your mood and help you find the strength to cope with a loss due to suicide. You can also try creative activities like painting or journaling to process your emotions. “These creative activities can help you release your pent-up feelings,” the expert says.

People who lose a loved one to suicide can experience many emotions. The road to healing after a suicide loss is long, but with time, support, and self-compassion, it is possible.