Film “It Ends with Us” in cinemas: Between flowers and veil

Lead actress Blake Lively has been caught in a shitstorm because of the promotion for the drama “It Ends with Us.” The film is also problematic.

Florist Lily (Blake Lively) and wife beater Ryle (Justin Baldoni) Photo: Sony Pictures/ap

Actually, it all started quite harmlessly with a few rumors. After the premiere of “It Ends With Us,” a Hollywood film about domestic violence, some TikTokers noticed at the beginning of August that the director and lead actor Justin Baldoni neither posed with the cast on the red carpet nor gave joint interviews.

And no one followed him on Instagram anymore either. What was behind it? Had he behaved badly on set? The wild speculation quickly developed into a new drama, whose villain was lead actress Blake Lively.

She was accused of using the film to promote flowers, hair products and alcohol. She also marketed the drama as a feel-good movie. On Instagram she wrote: “Grab your girlfriends and put on your floral dresses.” In a film about violence against women, this is at least insensitive.

But in recent weeks, justified criticism of the marketing has turned into a complete reckoning with the film and its leading actress. Anyone who followed the comments on “It Ends With Us” in traditional and social media got the impression that this was the worst film of all time.

A kitschy rom-com in which violence against women is not only trivialized but glorified. And Blake Liveley? She is an incompetent actress anyway – and a bad person to boot.

I went into the film adaptation of the book by Colleen Hoover with correspondingly low expectations. Hoover has become one of the most successful US authors with her romantic stories including reactionary gender roles.

In the auditorium I found myself among groups of women and girls, whose sniffles and sobs accompanied me throughout the film. The violence that Lily (Lively) experiences seemed to audibly affect this audience at least. So maybe the film wasn't as bad as its reception led me to believe?

Fear of the first blow

A key scene occurs relatively early in the two-hour-long film: Lily sits sadly on a roof ledge above the rooftops of Boston, Ryle (Baldoni) angrily enters the roof terrace and smashes a chair. This doesn't seem to be a red flag for Lily, but it is for the audience. The film then follows the brain surgeon and the florist for 90 minutes as they fall in love, move in together and finally get married.

The happy images of standard-beauty people singing karaoke, trying to make an omelet, or throwing fancy parties are accompanied by the knowledge that he's going to strike at some point. And even though that knowledge is there all the time, it's still a shock when Ryle strikes for the first time.

Lily acts as she learned from her parents' relationship: she covers up her black eye with makeup, plays down the violence as an accident and remains silent. Until she becomes pregnant, flees the violent relationship and is rescued by her childhood sweetheart Atlas (Brandon Sklenar). A happy ending. And here lies one of the biggest criticisms of the film: it is not realistic.

Many victims stay with their perpetrators

Films can find, exaggerate, shorten, and sharpen. That's how storytelling works. If we want the cruel reality, we watch documentaries. But it's also clear that fictional stories shape our ideas of reality. Especially when it comes to topics that are made invisible or marginalized in public. And domestic violence is definitely one such topic.

Sure, there are happy endings in real life, but the film makes escaping from a violent relationship look easy. It took some time for Lily to realize the violence being inflicted on her, but when she did, she managed to escape on the first attempt – and she hadn't even prepared for it. As she is pregnant, she lets Ryle help her put together a crib some time later. He takes the opportunity to get closer to her. She says no – and he accepts it. Just as he accepts the divorce she demands after the birth of the child. And what's more: he realizes that his behavior was wrong.

But even if you consider that Lily is in a privileged situation due to her financial independence, hardly any case ends as well as hers. Many victims stay with their perpetrators: out of shame or hope, because of their children, because they simply cannot afford to move out or out of fear of even more violence.

Stalking, violence, murder

Many perpetrators experience the separation as a “loss of control” that leads them to stalking, more violent behavior and, yes, sometimes even murder. The fact that Lily only needs to realize this to leave the relationship and that Ryle then even appears remorseful may feel like a mockery to many of those affected who watch the film.

Nevertheless, the film does a lot of things right. Something like how it portrays the development of the relationship between the two. At the beginning, Ryle showers her with declarations of love and takes loving care of himself. Classic love bombing. But his controlling behavior gets worse over time and is only exacerbated by his jealousy. What looks like a warning from the outside about what's next is excused by those affected as romantic gestures of love.

Films and series that deal with gender-based violence often have a hard time on the market. I have also had to deal with rejections when I have asked friends to accompany me to see films of this kind. It would be interesting to see whether “It Ends With Us” reaches people who otherwise have little to do with the topic.

Me-Too perpetrators experience less hate

And wouldn't it be okay to lighten up the difficult subject with lots of kitsch, flowers and a happy ending? Or is that exactly the problem, because those affected will then unknowingly watch a film about domestic violence and be triggered?

A serious debate about how much trivialization such a topic can withstand would be the right thing to do now. After all, “It Ends With Us” is not an isolated case, the portrayal of domestic violence is rarely authentic. Instead, the “critics” are losing themselves in a shitstorm against Blake Lively. On Tiktok and Instagram, old interviews and statements from her are being quoted to show what a bad person she has always been.

But even if that is true, it is not very productive to make a single woman into a hate figure. A process that many people in Hollywood have had to go through before her. It is no coincidence that they are all women.

After all, there are some Hollywood men who have been accused of domestic or sexual violence in real life and who face less criticism than Lively does now. Some still seem to think that the best way to combat hatred against women is to hate a woman.